As I was speaking to a friend today he brought up a phrase that I had not heard in a long time. He mentioned the words “love tank.” This is a concept referred to by Christian author Gary Chapman. The concept goes something like this:

  • God has designed each of us with a “love tank” that is to be replenished by our mates.
  • Each of us need different “fuel” for our tanks. In other words what I need for my “love tank” to feel full and what my wife needs for her “love tank” to feel full may be on two separate ends of the spectrum.
  • Therefore we need to “study” each other (a concept you may remember from the movie “Fireproof”) to understand what our mate needs to feel loved, appreciated and wanted.

I think Dr. Chapman is right on target. Some of us need the “fuel” of the tender touch of our spouse to fill our love tank, while others simply desire meaningful conversation. Others desire passionate moments alone with our mate while others are thrilled when one takes the initiative to clean up the dinner table and wash dishes. The problem in marriages comes often when we focus on “our tank” rather than focusing our mate’s “tank.” Remember I Corinthians 13 teaches that true love “seeketh not her own.” Biblical love does not focus on “receiving” but rather focuses on “giving.”

When you and I let go of our passion to have our love tank filled and focus on filling the love tank of our spouse we find freedom from disappointment. Your spouse, no matter how wonderful and amazing they may be, will never perfectly and consistently keep your love tank full! They are not God! They are simply a tool God can use to “complete” you. However, God also wants to use you as the tool to meet their needs and bless them. That is to be your focus. That is to be your passion in your marriage. Let God take care of filling your love tank if they fail. You pillow your head every evening knowing that you have done everything possible through the power of the Holy Spirit to fill your spouses love tank. Let them know they will never find anyone more in love with them, more interested in their well-being, more concerned with their comfort, more excited about their company on the face of the earth than you! As you take care of the mate God has given you, God will take care of you! If they fail you, they fail you! But God never fails. God will meet your needs and enable you to find joy in Him even if your spouse fails to fill your “tank.” God can provide His fuel and joy in your life in spite of their failures. You made a commitment to them…for better or for worse. When the love tank is flowing over and when it’s running on fumes. Keep your commitment to your mate and keep your commitment to God!

Please read more about the “love bank” at the following website: http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm

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